Sodden ground, puddles and dampness in the air this campervan morning. The aftermath of heavy rain and winds means twigs and branches lie abandoned and the earth is heavy underfoot. An April morning chill, clouds a mix of low lying grey and white cumulus cross eastwards above me. Greeted by a blackbird in the oak, which has shifted over to the ash. It’s calls once more answered in the distance. The feint hustle of traffic in the distance intrudes into the soundscape. A pair of robins descend from the tree to look for food. It’s morning once more and reflecting on working with a dementia group yesterday and their introduction to drumming, music making and silliness. It’s left a wee heaviness about me, to witness their journey for a short while. It sits with me and steers me in a direction of seizing the day, seeing more and spending my days fruitfully. I was steered yesterday in the direction of the writer Annie Dillard, by the wonderful Maria Popova and her newsletter ‘The Marginalian’. An utter treasure trove of thoughts and explorations. Dillard writes of the tension between productivity and presence. How we spend our time and the decisions we make moment by moment that inform how our day is made up. Dillard writes in her book ‘The Writing Life ‘ :
“ How we spend our days, is of course, how we spend our lives “.
The need for a conscious process of being present rather than on the race to be productive. It’s funny as I race towards being 61, how difficult it is to challenge the need to be productive. The process shoe horned into us as children, teens and adults. The need to be busy and achieving. How much of a challenge it is to slow down and look around, be more conscious, concentrate less on being productive and more on being. Dillard goes on to say :
“ Go up into the gaps. If you can find them; they shift and vanish too. Stalk the gaps. Squeak into a gap in the soil, turn, and unlock-more than a maple- a universe. This is how you spend this afternoon, and tomorrow morning, and tomorrow afternoon. Spend the afternoon. You can’t take it with you.”
Spend the afternoon you can’t take it with you. Lovely days people.
“ What does it feel like to be alive? Living, you stand under a waterfall. You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall.” Annie Dillard.
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