Rain in the air clinging to clothes and skin this campervan morning. The kind of sticky rain that hangs in the air and soaks you without you really knowing. No sign of it getting any heavier, but it’s wet all the same. Heavy grey cloud with rare patches of blue sky poking through. The to and fro of blackbird call and responses from the ash. Scattered starlings jump from branch to branch. There is a Monday busyness in the air, it appears to be full of aeroplanes, slushing cars nearby, but no sign of the motorway drone. Two pairs of blue tits race around the hedges and bushes on the hunt, a single Robin on the same forage bobs here and there. A solitary magpie hops around the branches of the oak. There is a hustle around nature too this morning. There is a new bird call that I don’t recognise at all, not that I recognise any of them, other than there regularity. The constant presence of squirrels, once standing at three is now down to the occasional visitor of one, who has arrived and is announcing said arrival by chasing away birds and screeching pronouncements. The sound of busy bees once again going about their business. It is start of a much quieter week this week for me, after a hectic week and busy weekend. Not a huge amount to report. Still digesting and reflecting on a conversation with a dear friend around roles and those that we take on and fall into when presented with situations. The roles passed onto us or we learn from our parents, education, society and culture. The roles that we assign to people as we come across them, to make our interactions manageable and in some instances to ‘Know our place’. When we don our work clothes and take on a role. Each of these roles comes with a set of responsibilities, a set of values that have been handed down to us. How to dress, behave, communicate and be in these roles. In his book ‘A New Earth’ Eckhardt Tolle writes :
“… human beings differ widely. What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play. When you play roles, you are unconscious.”
Does the role subsume us and we become the role and lose the essence of us and who we are when we drop into them. The perennial struggle between being ourselves and playing a role. John Bradshaw the author of a number of books on shame, addiction, inner child work and family dynamics goes further and says :
“ Playing roles and acting are forms of lying. If a person acts like they really feel and it rocks the boat, they are ostracized. We promote pretense and lying as a cultural way of life. Living this way causes an inner split. It teaches us to hide and cover up our toxic shame. This sends us deeper into isolation and loneliness. “
There is a sense of generating a realisation and awareness of roles that I play, in the situations that I come up against. The roles I place on other people and the expectations I have of them in that role. How the culture of roles can keep us down and stops us fulfilling our potential. Lots to think about. The answer, if there is one, appears to be as with everything, awareness. Much more to explore, lovely days people.
“ The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.” Anais Nin.
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