A bright self care Sunday this campervan morning. The sky a feint blue with a thin white wash scrubbed over it. Atmospherics are such that the morning drone is right up in the mix. The sun is catching the tops of the Oak and Ash, but it’s quite chilly, breath and coffee steam on the air. Residual dampness everywhere and it sits on the air too, grabbing slightly at an asthmatic chest. The birds are busy, crows, sparrows and robins providing the soundtrack. Starlings back in the Ash, a far off woodpecker, two gulls circle high above, their bellies cast orange by the rising sun. The coffee is going down quickly this morning, staving off the early chill. A pair of blue tits dance around the Oaks branches on the morning forage. A busy Sunday in suburban nature. A great day drumming yesterday, brings me to self care Sunday and what looks like from this seat, a bright day ahead. The white wash has been worn away revealing a deep blue sky. A welcome absence of grey this morning. Following on from my few lines yesterday around vocation I found myself reading Anais Nin and her diaries. I always find it interesting how certain words, sentences and paragraphs come to you when they need to. She write :
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death”.
We talk in counselling of being ‘In process’ a state of flux, a move from one place to another, it’s that bit in the middle. The bit where we need to be gentlest with others and ourselves. Also taking a step back, lives are always in process and always becoming. I tend to agree that staying still has a sense of death around it. Nin later writes in her diary :
“I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.”
I learned yesterday of the death of a distant friend and acquaintance, which feels like it’s driving some of my restlessness this campervan morning and a desire to feed myself, to live, suffer, risk, giving, losing and creating.
“The beauty in being so restless,
Racing minds breed wandering souls”
Natalie Nascenzi.
A wandering soul seems to sum it up quite neatly at the moment, but there is also a drive in me to :
“ Shake myself free of these accumulating experiences which were mine only by force of inertia”
Rebecca Solnit.
Inertia feels quite right too, but an underlying desire, need or energy to free myself. I have a feeling that for many people this sits close or to, or just under the surface. Lovely self care Sundays people. Do something for yourself.
“ I am tired of safe places, and roofs, and walls around me.”
Ursula K. Le Guin.
Comments