Good morning and a later start this campervan morning begins to unfold. A bright chilly morning. The soundscape alive with birdsong, the first time for along time. Robins, Crows, Magpies all the usual visitors are in song or calls and are all busy this morning. Gulls high on warm therms are calling, coloured pink in the suns rays. A pair of quarrelsome squirrels causing utter mayhem in the oak showering down leaves, twigs and what few acorns that do exist. There is a chill in the breeze and change on the way, autumnal sunshine once more on the treetops and a real buzz around me. Quite a stunning morning. I often feel that what kind of morning I have is an indication on how the whole day is going to unfold. For the moment that I sit here I possess the day.
For the first time in ages I had to admit defeat. I am pretty good at what I do. I have been doing it for 15 years and full time for 13. I did a circle for 30 children and parents, so there were about 50 in the circle, kids ages ranging from 5 till about 10, with as I say accompanying parent or parents. It was banging, lots of fun, silliness and laughter. A few of the kids got distracted, but that’s the way these days. We talk of radar in the work, consistently alive to the circle, what’s going on, eyes and ears open and feelings. One thin lipped grey haired woman just would not smile, not do the silliness, not really drum and her son was desperate to have fun, but was watching her and it stopped him in his tracks every time. His lead was her and her lead was one of measure, non attachment and distance. It has sat with me since. I have no idea what’s going on in her world, but in front of me I witnessed her world bleed into his and his world became hers. He gazed at her at the fun bits and if she didn’t do them he didn’t. And she didn’t…ever. I’m not here to rescue the world, but this has really sat with me since yesterday and this morning overwhelms my reflection. I don’t know if it’s the self indulgent sense of defeat or just sadness that she didn’t realise her world was bleeding into this young person and the impact she was having. As I say I have no idea what was going on for her at that moment or at all really, but there is a sense of responsibility for not bringing them along. There is such a deep lesson here on so many levels, that I am still working my way through them. Lovely days people.
“ Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself.” Jean-Paul Sartre.
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